May 4, 2016:
(Evening)Lying in bed with my wife and we begin to talk about the possible outcomes with my exam the next day. We both have a feeling that it will be ok and not something as drastic as Cancer. It’s a normal evening, we talk about our day and what we each get to do the next day. That day happens to be a Thursday and it’s a day my wife typically is in meetings all day at her work. She asked me a number of times if I wanted her to come with me. I tell her no, don’t worry about it tomorrow will be easy. I’m just going to get an exam. We fall asleep and drift off to dreamland. I’m totally at peace with my appointment the following day.
May 5, 2016:
It’s the morning of my appointment. I don’t go in until 10:00 am CST so I have a little time to work from home. I get my day started, answer a few emails, return some phone calls, set up appointments for the following week. It’s finally time to head to my appointment. My wife txts me and asks me to let her know what I find out as soon as I know. I’m like of course wouldn’t have it any other way.
I arrive at the Urologist’s office. I’ve got my insurance and id and I’ve already filled out the paperwork online. The first thing I notice when I walk in the door is the amount of “blue hairs” in the office. Ok, I know it’s not appropriate to call older people “blue hairs” but it’s a little joke between my wife and I. I actually texted her I feel out of place as I’m surrounded by all the old folks. Once again, I’m a very healthy 41 year old male who never goes to the Doctor. It’s all surreal. I only have to wait a few minutes and they call me back to the exam room. I get my blood pressure checked, 125/74. Wow, lower than I expected. Those avocados I like so much seem to be paying off. I’m happy yet just a bit apprehensive waiting for the Doctor to come into the room.
Dr. Jones, not Indiana if that’s what your thinking, enters. He’s a younger Dr, check I like that, he has a quirky straight forward nature about him. I’m very comfortable after speaking with him briefly. He seems to not be too worried at first while we’re talking about my issue. He even says, he doesn’t expect cancer at my age. Sweet, once again it feels like everything’s going to turn out fine. Finally I get to drop my shorts for the Dr’s exam. Nope, not as much fun as when my wife did the exam the other day. Dr. Jones squeezes the hell out of my right testicle. I’m thinking, “Damn doc, by me drink first.” This is were you would type LOL if this were a text message. He finishes examining my right testicle and it’s now time to check on the left one. Thankfully, he’s way more gentle with this side. It’s over he tells me to pull up my shorts. I relax and breath once again.
Dr. Jones’s mood has immediately changed. He seems way more serious now. He asks me if I have time to do a couple of follow up exams. I of course say sure no problem, when? He says today! Like as soon as I can get you an appointment for an ultrasound of your scrotum. Also, he wants me to get my blood drawn to run some tests for “tumor markers”. TUMOR MARKERS!! Ok, now this shit has gotten real. He wants me to come back the very next day at 8:40 am for follow up from the tests. He leaves the room and I have a moment alone for the first time and it dawns on me. I might actually have Cancer….
I leave the Dr. Jone’s office and send a text to Jennifer. I think we actually have a quick conversation between her meetings. I tell her I’m getting an ultrasound on my scrotum at 1:30 pm that afternoon and in the meantime I’m going straight to the lab to get my blood drawn. I also tell her I have the follow up appointment the next morning. She tells me she will go with me. I had no doubts about that. I knew she was going to be by my side when we get the results.
It’s now 1:30 pm and I’m lying on a small bed in a very dimly lit room with a strange women putting gel on my scrotum. It’s a very vulnerable position to be in and you do your best to not feel awkward. Luckily for me the technician is wonderful and very professional. Plus I realize this test has the potential to save my life.
Thursday evening and my wife and I are lying together in our bed. We talk about what we expect the next days results to be. My wife still believes it won’t be cancer or she’s at least hoping for that outcome. I know I’m also hoping for that outcome, but after the events of today and seeing how quickly the Doctor’s mood change, I’m not so confident in a Cancer free outcome. Don’t get me wrong, I still have hope for that but it’s starting to get harder to keep myself positive. Weirdly, I actually fall asleep quite easily on this night.