June 2, 2016: 

Welcome to another day in the fight.  This is day three of my Chemotherapy treatment for this cycle.  As of now I’m still doing really well.  My appetite hasn’t changed yet and no nausea either.  The only difference is my energy level has started to go down a lot earlier in the afternoon.  I have to slow myself down at times because my brain hasn’t quite decided that I’m sick.

A slight change in the normal routine today.  My Mom and Dad are joining me while I receive treatment.  Jennifer has to work today so she won’t be able to accompany me.  I’ll miss having her positive energy around me today, she is truly “my person” and I gain so much strength from her.  It will be nice having my parents today as you couldn’t ask for a better Mom and Dad.  My parents have always been there for me through every up and down I’ve been through in my life.

The room was especially cold today.

We arrive at the center today and the place feels different then my first couple of days.  Not sure if it’s because of the dreary weather but the room just has a dark ominous feel.  I hope it brightens up later today.  This is the first time I’ve had a sense of depression from the room. Luckily for me I have an awesome nurse.  Lindsey always greats me with a smile and has such a lovely presence about her.  I have a Dallas Cowboys t-shirt on today and the Lindsey tells me she won’t be able to by my nurse if I have it on.  We both laugh and so I ask her is she a dreaded Eagles or Packers fan?  No, she’s a huge New Orleans Saints fan.  I think we can find common ground.

I do have some great news to share with everyone.  I asked Lindsey if they had my blood test results from earlier in the week.  She came back to let me know that my tumor markers had dropped to 10!!  For perspective they were over 200 prior to surgery and down even further from 52 just the week prior.  That is awesome news they were already at 10 even before we started the chemotherapy treatment!  I have a long journey still in front of me but I have no doubt that I will defeat the Cancer!

June 1 2016:  

Eye of the Tiger

Today I awoke at 4:30 am not sure why, maybe it was the steroids from the day 1 treatment.  I got up and moved around the house a bit trying not to wake Jennifer.  Got a glass of water and laid back down.  I was able to doze off for about an hour and then the alarm went off to signal time to face day 2 in the long journey.  I know at some point it will turn into a grind but this morning I’m energized and ready for today’s treatment.  Still feeling that “Eye of the Tiger”!  Maybe also a little inspired by watching the movie Creed the night before.

We arrive at the Georgetown Cancer Center at 8:30 am and the nurses call me back to the infusion room.  Lucky for me I must have a decent personality cause they’ve kindly reserved the chair I had the previous day. That way Jennifer and I are close to each other.  Plus Jennifer gets to sit in a nicest chair available to visitors.  As we left today they teased me and said my spot will be ready for me again tomorrow!  Always good to have the nursing staff on your side.  They are a wonderful group.

Since my treatments tend to last anywhere from 5-7 hours each day, I get a chance to interact with a number of patients in the chair by me.  Today I got to meet 3 people and learn a little more of their story.  One of the patients we met the day before and he was back for his 2nd and final treatment this morning.  His name is Jerry.  Jerry is really nice man, slightly older than me who was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  It was a diagnosis that took his doctors about 6 months to make.  He’s now getting an infusion that will help to dampen the effects of MS on his body.  He has a very positive outlook on life and it’s refreshing to hear in this place.

The second person I got to interact with was actually not a patient but a friend of women who is battling breast cancer.  This lady was awesome you could just tell from her demeanor and the rather loud conversation she had with her friend.   Her friend left the room to meet with her Doctor and while she was away I got a chance to speak with this lovely spirit.  She and I talked for about 15 minutes and it brightened my day.   She was even gracious enough to add my name to her church prayer list.  A very touching gesture on her part and very much appreciated on mine.

The final patient I met today was a 72-year-old retired professor from Michigan.  He was actually born closer to Green Bay than Detroit so I found out he was a Packers fan.  Jennifer got a kick out of that since her whole family is a bunch of Packers.  Luckily for me she’s now a Cowboys fan.  Ha!  Anyway this man’s story is pretty powerful.  He’s beaten prostate cancer and colon cancer but now he’s facing his biggest challenge.  In early April he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the liver and lungs.  He was given 3-18 months to live, but you would never know it by his actions and outlook on life.  It puts into perspective the fact that my cancer has such a high cure rate.  Yes, my particular course of treatment is fairly tough and aggressive but it works!  I’m lucky! I’m starting to understand the bond that can develop amongst people in this situation.  It’s still hard for me to say I’m a cancer patient but with each day it becomes more of a reality.

Not sure how to make this transition but I need to share my Twitter story with you.  I’m not sure how many of you use or are on Twitter.  If you’re asking yourself what the hell is a Twitter than I’m pretty sure you are not.  I’ve tweeted about my blog on my Twitter page (follow me @jimwehmeyer) since I launched the blog last week.  I have roughly 1000 followers on my page not sure how many are real and how many are just fake girls trying to sell porn. (no really that’s a thing).  I use Twitter to keep up with news on the Cowboys, Rangers, certain Celebrities, and TV shows.  It’s an easy place to get quick updates and what not.  Well last Friday I had retweeted (means to tweet someone elses original tweet to your followers) a tweet from Jim Beaver, you might recognize him if you happen to watch Supernatural or watched Deadwood back in the day.  As you might know from my previous post I have become a big fan of Supernatural because of my daughter Maddie.  Jim Beaver plays the part of Bobby Singer so I had started following him on Twitter as his character is pretty cool.  He had tweeted out a message to join the fight against cancer and requesting people to purchase a shirt where all the proceeds would go to the John Wayne Cancer Foundation and Institute to fight for a cure.  I then tweeted him a link to my blog and within 30 minutes he had retweeted it out to his 800,000 followers. Whoa, my blog was on the verge of going viral.  Since his initial retweet my link was seen by over 35,000 people and a lot actually came to the blog.  That’s pretty amazing and it would be awesome if that was all of the story.  Well, this afternoon Jim Beaver once again sent this tweet to all his followers:

Here was the surprise 2nd retweet from Jim. #ShowYourGrit

Join in our fight and #ShowYourGrit and go to Jim’s page: Jim Beaver for #ShowYourGrit

May 31, 2016: 

Anxious moments

The day has finally arrived.  Day one of Chemotherapy treatment and the day I and all my supporters join the hunt to fight and kill the cancer that has invaded my body.  Jennifer has come along with me this morning.  Thank you babe!  We arrive at the Georgetown Cancer Treatment Facility at 8:30 am.  It means a ton to have her along with me on this first day.  I’m not showing any outward emotions or fears but believe me internally I’m doing everything I can to control my fear.  Knowing I have her, the Lord, and all my friends giving me support helps me face this difficult journey.

Over the next 6 hours I get to hangout in a cushy blue recliner.  Too bad it’s not football season and I’m not in front of my big screen. Instead here I am sitting in a sterile room awaiting to receive a lovely chemotherapy cocktail of Bleomycin, Cisplatin, and etoposide (BEP for short).  That’s not my normal cocktail of choice but it’s the mixture of healing medicine that I need.  Immediately one feels the cold air in the room.  I’m looking around to see if there are any Penguins waddling around.  I hear a voice inside my head telling me to run, leave now!  At this point I’m struggling to maintain my focus.  I force myself to take a number of deep breaths and try to calm myself down.  I’d rather be naked in front of thousands of people giving a presentation than where I am at this moment in time.

“Join the Hunt!” #SPN

I’m now 3 weeks removed from my initial surgery and diagnosis but I still have moments where I don’t think this real.  I keep waiting to wake-up from the nightmare.  The one thing I refuse to let myself do, is to ask why me.  I’m 100% focused on the end game and curing this trojan horse that’s decided to try to take me down.  I’m focused, determined, physically, and mentally ready to win the battle today and the oncoming war.  My motto is: “Eye of the Tiger”! If Rocky can train in the frozen expanse of Siberia to defeat the roided Russian in Rocky IV.  I can take a few rounds of this poison (healing medicine) to defeat the beast within.  Please enjoy this little video below.  It’s Jensen Ackles (I have a slight man crush) who plays Dean Winchester on the CW show Supernatural rocking out to the song.  While we are on the subject of Supernatural (#SPN) my daughter Maddie got me into this show so don’t judge me!  She even let me use her Supernatural blanket today. Meaning Sam and Dean Winchester, as well as Castiel (always good to have an Angel with you even if he only exist on the TV show) have joined the hunt! Too bad you can’t kill cancer with a little rock salt and fire.  I posted a picture to my twitter account @jimwehmeyer if you want to check it out.

The rest of today’s writing will be presented in play by-play style.  I want you the reader to know what to expect on your first day of testicular cancer treatment.  Not knowing has attributed the most to my anxiety up to this point.

• 9:00 am and my IV is in place.  They say I can keep it in overnight or just have them redo it again the next day.  I’m leaning towards leaving it in my arm as opposed to getting stuck again.  I get to come 5 days in row during each Chemo cycle so less pokes in my arm the better. No need to look like a complete junky.  I won’t receive my actual chemo medicine until later this morning.  Right now they are infusing 2 separate nausea medicines as well as a steroid to help the effectiveness.  Too bad it’s not the type of steroid that will get me all ripped up.

My nurse Lindsey just drop by to check on me and let me know I get to receive a shot in my stomach.  “What!!  I did not expect for a shot in my stomach!  I normally take shots like a champ but I’m not a fan of them in my stomach.” Apparently they have to give me a test shot of the Bleomycin to make sure I don’t have any bad reactions before it goes in my IV drip.  The nurse try to help me relax a bit by showing me the needle.  It’s about the size of a tiny pin.  It would feel like a minor bee sting.  “Holy smokes!!  That is some bee sting!”  The needle didn’t hurt but the area around it immediately began to burn.  Had I just been dropped into the depth of Hades?  That sucked.  Lucky for me I didn’t have any real reaction to the Bleomycin so now it’s time embark on this cancer hunt.

• 10:25 am and Chemotherapy is officially under way.  May the force be with you chemo drugs!  I have a little trepidation that the Bleomycin might damage my lungs.  Former Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong (yes I know he was blood doping but hell he survived stage III testicular cancer -he’s still an inspiration – wonder if he has some left over supplements? HA) didn’t receive the Bleomycin because of that risk, instead he did extra rounds of the other drugs.

After this bag completes they have to give me a large bag of electrolytes prior to the Cisplatin.  Apparently, Cisplatin can be hard on the kidneys so you must have a ton of fluid in between the medicines.  Lucky for me Jennifer bought me an awesome 34oz double insulated water cup to make sure I get my 64oz of H2O a day.

• 12:00 noon and time to start the 2nd part of this little chemo cocktail.  Up to this point I hadn’t felt much anything from the fluids.  Only a slight coolness with each of the different infusions.  This time is different.  I feel the Cisplatin almost immediately as the liquid drips into my vein.  Every part of my body begins to warm and beads of perspiration glisten on my bald head. Thankfully after about 15 minutes this subsides and I return to my new normal state.  The cisplatin drip takes about an hour and half to complete.  Time for another round of electrolytes before I get started on the 3rd and final ingredient in my wonderful healing cocktail.

• 2:50 pm and another nurse exchanges my electrolytes for the eptoposide drip.  My final infusion for the day.  The eptoposide takes about an hour to be infused into my system.  I didn’t feel any reactions to this one so I’m in the home stretch for today.

Finally it’s time to pack up all our stuff and get ready to go home.  It’s now almost 4:00 pm so we’ve been here about 7.5 hours.  It’s been a long and stressful first round.  Mostly brought on by my own thoughts and fears as I had researched everything.  I must say I really like possibly love the nurse who leads up my case.  Jennifer had left the room to run out and grab us a sandwich so I was alone for the first time.  Lindsey dropped by and put her hands on my knee in the most comforting way.  She told me to remain positive, the road ahead is tough and you’ll have difficult moments, just remember you will be cured.  Many others in here may not get so lucky.

Day one of my journey is complete.  Time to focus (“Eye of the Tiger”) on the next day.  One day at time to Conquer! #TeamJimmie #Cancerfight #ShowYourGrit

May 29, 2016: 

“Thank God for Karaoke?”  I know what you’re thinking, “Why in the world would anyone say Thank God for Karaoke?” Let alone use it as a title for a posting.  I’ll make a tiny promise to you.  By the time you finish reading this story you’ll understand why Karaoke means so much to me.  So please indulge me a bit as I talk about something not specifically related to related to my cancer.

For most people Karaoke is simply something a group of friends or acquaintances might do on a random Saturday or Sunday evening while out having a few adult beverages.  People may actually sing better than you expect while others sound like howling banshee.  I know it can be tough on the crowd at times but it’s what makes the Karaoke experience fun.  Yes I do sing.  90% of the time I stick in my lane and sing something from the Country AND Western genre.  Other times my 90’s hairband style makes an appearance. In the Karaoke world I’m about average.  (In my mind I’m George Strait HA!)  Now, every once in a while you’ll hear someone who captivates and stuns the entire audience.  You know this is happening because the usually loud barroom instantly goes silent as everyone pays attention to the performer on stage.  I’ve seen it happen a few times in my Karaoke adventures.  Never for me, but who really wants that type of adoration.

Me peaking up at the words even though I didn’t need them for this song

It’s May of 2006 and I had just been given a chance to host my very own Karaoke show for the best Karaoke company in Austin, TX.  Diamond Karaoke owned by my friend Brian Busch.  Diamond Karaoke has every song you could ever hope to sing.  I’d go as far as saying I’d by you a beer if he didn’t have a particular song you wanted to sing.  Brian is also a master sound guy for a number of bands in and around Austin so he understands how to make people sound good.  He takes the same pride in his Karaoke sound systems so not only does Diamond Karaoke have one of the largest song lists available but you’ll never sound better on stage.  Ok, enough of plug for Brian and his company.  Back in those days I had become a little bit of a Karaoke bar fly and for some reason Brian had befriended me.  That friendship ultimately led me to what would become my best adventure in life.

Diamond Karaoke had been asked to provide Karaoke at the old El Arroyo restaurant in Round Rock on Friday nights.  Brian in his infinite wisdom had asked me to host for him and I of course said yes.  It’s my first Friday night hosting the show for Brian.  I had substituted a few times at other venues in town but this was my first show where I’d be the regular “KJ”.  This being the first night Brian had come out to help me get everything set up and make sure it all went smoothly.  I told you before Brian cares about each and every show Diamond Karaoke puts on no matter the size of the venue.  I admit I was a bit nervous so it was probably a good thing he came out to help me get kick off the show.

It’s time to get the show going and as the host you have to start the show off so it’s usually good to have a few go to songs to get the crowd going.  A good KJ reads the audience’s mood as well as takes the vibe on the venue itself.  I’m fairly certain I kicked this show off with Jason Aldean’s “Hicktown”.  Not too well-known, but known enough and has some decent energy.  Also, it’s right in my range which isn’t that great.  I had kicked off the show and was watching the crowd and taking everyone’s requests.   Nothing unusual happening up to this point it’s just a typical show.  People want to sing “Summer Nights”, “Friends in Low Places”, “Sweet Caroline”, and  “You Never Even Called me by My Name”, etc.. Clichéd and overdone, but you just smile and tell them great job.  Keep the patrons happy so they come back and buy more food and drink.  The show was just getting going and something compelled me to look.  Not sure why I looked up at that moment but I’m sure happy that I did.  Out onto the patio walked this gorgeous brunette and my breath was instantly taken away.  She had the best smile I’d ever seen and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.  My heart was pounding out my chest.  Unfortunately, right behind her walked this tall lanky bald dude.  Oh man I thought.  She’s here with some guy.  I thought to myself, guess I’ll get back to running the show.  My hopes appeared crushed before they even had a chance to materialize.

I noticed the “couple” took a seat by Brian who was still there making sure I didn’t mess up the show.  The next thing I know she comes up on stage and hands me her song choice.  I think she smiled at me but I was too nervous to have known for sure.  I call a few other singers on stage and they do their thing. The show rolls along smoothly.  It’s finally time for the mystery girl to take the stage.  I look at the request slip and call Jennifer to the stage.  She comes up and you could tell right away she felt totally comfortable on stage.  She played to the crowd a little bit as I had turned around to start her song.  That is when magic happened.  That moment a singer transcends every other singer in the place.  I’ll never forget the 1st time I heard Jennifer sing.  It was as if an Angel was singing.  I was captivated and if I’m being real, I fell in love just a little bit right at that moment.  I told myself I had to talk to this girl and I didn’t care if she was with that skinny guy or not.  Later on Brian introduced us and we got a chance to talk.  Luckily for me the guy she was with was just a good friend.  Ironically he would end up being a groomsmen in our wedding.  In the days after I reached out to Jennifer through her MySpace account.  Kids at that time MySpace was the place to be.

Jennifer looking so gorgeous onstage.

Why was Jennifer even at this show?  What had brought her all the way from her south Austin house to this little restaurant in Round Rock?  For me it must have been divine intervention. She had recently moved to Austin from Carlsbad, CA and found Brian’s Diamond Karaoke company on MySpace.  Maybe I should’ve named this post “Thank God for MySpace, Karaoke and Brian.  Jennifer was looking to host a few shows to get to meet new people. Brian had asked her to come out and meet him at this show. Man, I must be the luckiest guy in the world for all of this to have happened.  I should also give a big Thank you to Brian for being the guy who brought the love of my life to me.  The rest is history.

Outside the Canary Roost one of our old Karaoke places.

Last night I asked Jennifer to go out and sing with me one more time before I start my chemo treatments.  It had been a long time since we both got a chance to do what had brought us together.  We ended up at The Canary Roost which was one of our old hangouts.  Jennifer and I even had our first kiss inside her Ford Mustang outside in their parking lot.  The only thing that would’ve have made it better was if Diamond Karaoke was hosting but alas no such luck.  It was still a great night and we had a blast.  I wish I had video of us singing “You and Tequilla” together as it was the best rendition we’d ever done.  No, the KJ didn’t just say that but we got some serious applause from the crowd.  I’ve included a couple of videos here today.  The sound quality isn’t the best but I hope you still enjoy.  Now you know why Karaoke will always hold a special place in my heart.

May 25, 2016: 

Today was my last official full day in the office for the foreseeable future.  I’m starting my chemotherapy treatments next week (5/31) and at this point I have no idea how much energy I’ll have to work.  The current plan is to work from home as much as I am able to on any given day.  I have to say I truly LOVE my job, my company, and all the people I get to work with on a daily basis!  It is an amazing team of people.  So today was a tough day for me on a few different levels.  It was a day filled with tears at various points throughout the day.

I’m going to give you guys a little background into what I do for Tableau (NYSE: DATA) and try to help you to understand the type of organization this company is from the top down.  First of all I am a Sales Recruiter, so please forgive me if this post sounds like a recruiting add.  I cannot help it because it’s what I do and Tableau is a phenomenal place to work.  I joined Tableau 4 years ago in June of 2012.  The company had recently decided to open a sales and services office in Austin.  Tableau is headquartered in Seattle, WA and at the time they had approximately 500 employees worldwide and about 10-15 in Austin.  I responded to a post on LinkedIn where they had placed an ad looking for a software sales and services recruiter to help build out a team.  At the time I was working for a small coupons and deals site called Offers.com. The company was about 50 people in total.  It was a good place but I missed a faster growth company as well as I wanted to get back to the software space.  I had worked for a previous software company (CallidusCloud: CALD) for 5 years before, so Tableau looked like an awesome opportunity.  That decision to apply changed the course of my life and was the best decision I’ve ever made in my career.

Tableau is a software company and we have one mission: To help people see and understand their data.  It’s a mission that everyone in the organization takes pride in making happen.  The products Tableau develops are outstanding we consistently are listed as leaders in our field across multiple analyst who publish this type of information.  Tableau also provides freaky friendly world-class customer service for every customer from the smallest to the largest companies in the world.  That alone in itself makes one proud to be a part of this company, however, it’s not what truly sets Tableau a part from any other organization I’ve worked for in the past.  What sets Tableau a part is our Culture which comes from each and every person in our company.  Tableau is truly a family and we care about each and every person who works for us.

Me and some of my teammates at Safeco field in Seattle for Tableau’s All-Hands

I work on the recruiting team and we have hands down the best team of recruiters ever assembled.  We’ve grown the company from 500 to 3000+ employees in the 4 years since I joined.  I’ve helped to grow the Austin team from 15 to 240+ team members as well.  If you’ve read my other posts you know that since my initial meeting with a Dr. Jones everything has moved at light speed.  My management team and fellow recruiters jumped in to help take on many of my job functions with little to no warning and not a single complaint.  Everybody has provided me with so much care and support since this has all started.  I have a ton of examples of my team reaching out to me but one quick one I’d like to share was a call I received from our Sr. VP of HR, Brett Thompson.  Brett leads the HR and Recruiting function for Tableau and does an outstanding job for us.  I had to interview with Brett back in 2012 and if you ever want to hear a funny story just ask me about that interview sometime.  He gives me a call on this day and Brett being Brett leads with a joke.  I wont’ tell you guys what he said but it made me smile and laugh.  It was very much-needed and appreciated. HR people tell the best jokes by the way.  Anyway his main reason was to tell me personally how much I meant to the Tableau HR and Recruiting team.  He told me to focus on my health and well-being and not to worry about work.  He said everyone loves me and are pulling for me and they all look forward to me being back soon. (I’m crying again as I write this).  I’ve got numerous examples of my team, other Tableau leaders and co-workers reaching out to me during this time.

Outside The Good Life Barber Shop about to get my head shaved

Knowing I’m going to lose my hair I had decided to schedule an appointment with my barber, Christy, at The Good Life Barbershop.  It’s located a few blocks from my office in downtown  Austin.   The Good Life is a cool place even being in the basement of a building downtown.  The staff is great and the atmosphere is a totally old school style barbershop and I highly recommend it to people.  My wife decided to join me to take some pictures and be with me when I go full on Kojak (this reference dates me but I’m actually too young to have seen 1st run episodes but i did get the reruns).  I had scheduled the appointment for 11:15 am so Jennifer and I could do lunch as well.  Unbeknownst to me, Jennifer had collaborated with some of my buddy’s to surprise me at the appointment.  I once again almost broke down and shed some tears. She had even let the staff at the The Good Life know about the situation. My wife is amazing if you guys haven’t figured that one out.  I want to say thank you to my wife, Kyle, Chris, and Drew for being with me to support me on this day.  My eyes filled with tears as I left the office at the end of this day.  I know they will fill up again on the day I return full-time.

Kyle, Chris, and Drew providing support and ideas for beard styles

Christy taking off what little hair I already had

The guys thought it was funny choosing my beard style

Mr Clean

May 19, 2016: 

After surgery I had a few follow-up tests to verify if the cancer had spread beyond the initial tumor.  Unfortunately the pathology did show that there was a strong possibility that it had spread into my lymphatic system.  Today we are set to meet with Dr. Ben Downie of the Austin Cancer Center Georgetown.  He had all the results from the CT scan and chest X-rays.  The good news was that the X-rays appeared to be clear.  However, I had 2 lymph nodes that were slightly enlarged right where the Doctor would expect them to be with this type of cancer.  My family and I felt really comfortable with Dr. Downie and his staff.  He was able to answer every question we had and believe me we asked a ton.  We made the decision to move forward quickly with his course of action.

I was told I have stage IIA testicular cancer and now the next step in my treatment plan would be BEPx3 chemotherapy. BEP is the shortened version of the 3 chemo drugs I’ll receive.  B stands for:  bleomycin, E: etoposide, P: cisplatin.  For more information please go here: Cancer.org I will have 3 cycles of chemotherapy done over a 9 week period.   Week 1: 5 days of chemotherapy followed by 2 weeks off then the cycle repeats itself 2 more times.  It’s a very aggressive and “old school” treatment plan that has over a 90% cure rate.  All in all the odds are very much in my favor to come out of this situation and to be cured of the cancer.  It’s still scary to think about what I’ll feel like during the chemo treatments but I just need to remain focused on the end game.

I’m scheduled to begin treatment Tuesday May 31, 2016.  That would give me an additional week of recovery time from the surgery.  It also gives me another week of fearing the known unknowns of what the treatment will be like.  How bad will I feel, what type of energy level will I have, how much of a burden I might be on Jennifer and my family.  These type of worries seem to come and go at different times throughout the day.

May 9, 2016: Surgery

It’s Monday morning on the day of my surgery.  I still don’t think everything has sunk in at this point.  I’m scheduled for surgery that afternoon at 1:30 pm.  The day seems to drag on and the worst part was my intense thirst.  I hadn’t been able to eat or drink anything since midnight.  I was hungry but water was what I wanted more than anything else at this point in time.

My wife and parents had come along to be by my side and of course drive me home since I’d be slightly loopy and feeling GOOD on the pain meds after the procedure.  Keep in mind we still hadn’t found out for sure if my tumor was cancerous, so that was still weighing on everybody’s mind.   Let me tell you my family is awesome and were a rock for me all day while we waited.

We arrive at the north austin medical center and I check in and complete all the paperwork.  That’s another thing I’ve come to realize is how much paperwork it takes to see a Doctor and surgery.  I haven’t had to write so much without the help of a computer in a long time.  Almost forgot what my handwriting actually looks like.  Hint: it’s not much better than a Doctors.  Let me say the entire nursing staff at North Austin Surgical Center were amazing.  Every one of them I had the pleasure of interacting with went out of their way to make me feel comfortable.  Thank you to those folks!

I finally get called back to the pre-op ward and now it’s time to get this show on the road.  Obviously I had to be completely naked for this particular procedure.  Not sure about you, but I’m not usually one to run around without a stitch of clothing on.  I mean I did have on the little blue apron thing that doesn’t actually close in the back.  Ok, in my younger days I would’ve been cool with it but my body isn’t that great anymore.  Now it’s time for the nurse to prep me for surgery.  She puts in my IV line, checks all my vitals, and does an awesome job of keeping me calm.  She tells me before she leaves that if I need anything just press the button and she’ll come back.  She jokingly says you can even press it just to time how quickly she can respond.  Little does she know I actually think long and hard about doing that.  You’ll find out later why I’m glad I didn’t.

Right before surgery

Now my Dad and my wife are the only two in the room with me while we wait for the doctor to come by with last-minute details about the surgery.  The nurses tell us that Dr. Jones is usually 15 minutes early so they’re moving quickly to be ready when he shows.  Low and behold in pops the doctor almost exactly 15 minutes early.  First thing the Doctor does is joke about which one of my testicles is to be removed.  Funny Doc. I think to myself, please get the right one and I literally mean my right testicle. He draws a circle with an X on my right hand to be sure he remembers once we’re in the operating room.  Man, I love low tech fail safes!

Next Dr. Jones goes over everything about the procedure with us and he turns to head out.  Well, me not wanting to wait any longer on the blood test results decide to open my big mouth and ask.  What did the results show?  Dr. Jones turns back and tells me they weren’t what we were hoping to hear.  My tumor markers were elevated and indications are I have a Non-seminoma tumor.  I might post about the different types of testicular tumors at a later date.  The short of this one is that it only responds to chemotherapy and it tends to be more aggressive.  Great news!  Not really but it is what it is and at least the Doctors know how to beat this particular type of cancer.

Boom!  I have cancer….. I quickly take a look at my wife and Dad next me to and the looks on their faces simply broke my heart.  My wife was tearing up and I could tell my dad wasn’t doing much better.  He actually left to go get my mom since only 2 people could be in the room with me.  This was the toughest moment I’d had up to this point.  All of a sudden I got extremely hot even though the room was as cold as ice.  I started to perspire like someone running a marathon, but the worst part was I got terribly nauseous.  I quickly hit the nurse call button and I hear her jokingly say.  “Are you testing my reaction time?”.  I respond “nope I’m really nauseous though.”  She moved quickly and got some meds into my IV.  Luckily 2 minutes later they wheeled me to the OR and the next thing I know is I’m waking up in recovery.

Jennifer waiting for me to come out of surgery.

One short story while I was in recovery.  They tell me I can finally I have some crackers and something to drink.  Thank you!!  I was as parched as man stranded in the Mojave desert without his canteen.  Let me just say those crackers and ginger ale were awesome!  Best tasting ones I’d ever had in my life.  So surgery wasn’t too bad and now it was time to go home, recover for a couple of weeks and wait for the pathology on the tumor itself.  Fun, more waiting.

May 6, 2016

It’s almost time to finally find out what’s going on with my body.  Today is the day I’ll know for sure.  At least that’s what I’m hoping for from today’s outcome.  My appointment is at 8:40 am and of course I’m very anxious.  I rush my wife out of the house and we arrive 15 minutes early. Well all that rushing was for naught.  We end up waiting (waiting, it’s becoming a theme) and we finally get called back to the exam room.  I’m trying to be light-hearted and joking a bit with Jennifer.  She seems to be more apprehensive then the night before.  Doctor Jones walks in the door and my heart seems to stop and time feels like it might be slowing down a bit.  Dr. Jones doesn’t waste any time now.  So much for waiting.  He comes out and says the ultrasound shows a tumor and he’s got me scheduled for surgery to remove my right testicle for the following Monday afternoon.  No, asking if that works for us.  At this point he believes it’s a really good chance it is cancer but he hasn’t received the blood test results yet.   Once again, not a true definitive answer around the cancer question.  His first question is do I want a prosthetic testicle.  The question catches me off guard as I hadn’t really thought on that one.  Jennifer says yes.  Guess she wanted me to be whole.  Ha.  I agree and was thankful Jennifer spoke up.  Dr. Jones tells us someone from the surgical center will get in touch with me to give me all the pre-surgery directions I’d need for the procedure on Monday.  Damn, Monday.  That’s only a couple of days away.  All that I could think of at this point is, “Shit, I’ve got a lot of arrangements I need to get done today”.

May 4, 2016: 

(Evening)Lying in bed with my wife and we begin to talk about the possible outcomes with my exam the next day.  We both have a feeling that it will be ok and not something as drastic as Cancer.  It’s a normal evening, we talk about our day and what we each get to do the next day.  That day happens to be a Thursday and it’s a day my wife typically is in meetings all day at her work.  She asked me a number of times if I wanted her to come with me.  I tell her no, don’t worry about it tomorrow will be easy.  I’m just going to get an exam.  We fall asleep and drift off to dreamland.  I’m totally at peace with my appointment the following day.

May 5, 2016:

It’s the morning of my appointment.  I don’t go in until 10:00 am CST so I have a little time to work from home.  I get my day started, answer a few emails, return some phone calls, set up appointments for the following week.  It’s finally time to head to my appointment.  My wife txts me and asks me to let her know what I find out as soon as I know.  I’m like of course wouldn’t have it any other way.

I arrive at the Urologist’s office.  I’ve got my insurance and id and I’ve already filled out the paperwork online.  The first thing I notice when I walk in the door is the amount of “blue hairs” in the office.  Ok, I know it’s not appropriate to call older people “blue hairs” but it’s a little joke between my wife and I.  I actually texted her I feel out of place as I’m surrounded by all the old folks.  Once again, I’m a very healthy 41 year old male who never goes to the Doctor. It’s all surreal.  I only have to wait a few minutes and they call me back to the exam room.  I get my blood pressure checked, 125/74.  Wow, lower than I expected.  Those avocados I like so much seem to be paying off.  I’m happy yet just a bit apprehensive waiting for the Doctor to come into the room.

Dr. Jones, not Indiana if that’s what your thinking, enters.  He’s a younger Dr, check I like that, he has a quirky straight forward nature about him.  I’m very comfortable after speaking with him briefly.  He seems to not be too worried at first while we’re talking about my issue.  He even says, he doesn’t expect cancer at my age.  Sweet,  once again it feels like everything’s going to turn out fine.  Finally I get to drop my shorts for the Dr’s exam.  Nope, not as much fun as when my wife did the exam the other day.  Dr. Jones squeezes the hell out of my right testicle. I’m thinking, “Damn doc, by me drink first.” This is were you would type LOL if this were a text message.  He finishes examining my right testicle and it’s now time to check on the left one.  Thankfully, he’s way more gentle with this side.  It’s over he tells me to pull up my shorts.  I relax and breath once again.

Dr. Jones’s mood has immediately changed.  He seems way more serious now.  He asks me if I have time to do a couple of follow up exams.  I of course say sure no problem, when?  He says today!  Like as soon as I can get you an appointment for an ultrasound of your scrotum.  Also, he wants me to get my blood drawn to run some tests for “tumor markers”.  TUMOR MARKERS!!  Ok, now this shit has gotten real.  He wants me to come back the very next day at 8:40 am for follow up from the tests.  He leaves the room and I have a moment alone for the first time and it dawns on me.  I might actually have Cancer….

I leave the Dr. Jone’s office and send a text to Jennifer.  I think we actually have a quick conversation between her meetings.  I tell her I’m getting an ultrasound on my scrotum at 1:30 pm that afternoon and in the meantime I’m going straight to the lab to get my blood drawn.  I also tell her I have the follow up appointment the next morning.  She tells me she will go with me.  I had no doubts about that.  I knew she was going to be by my side when we get the results.

It’s now 1:30 pm and I’m lying on a small bed in a very dimly lit room with a strange women putting gel on my scrotum.  It’s a very vulnerable position to be in and you do your best to not feel awkward.  Luckily for me the technician is wonderful and very professional.  Plus I realize this test has the potential to save my life.

Thursday evening and my wife and I are lying together in our bed.  We talk about what we expect the next days results to be.  My wife still believes it won’t be cancer or she’s at least hoping for that outcome.  I know I’m also hoping for that outcome, but after the events of today and seeing how quickly the Doctor’s mood change, I’m not so confident in a Cancer free outcome.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have hope for that but it’s starting to get harder to keep myself positive.  Weirdly, I actually fall asleep quite easily on this night.