May 21, 2016:
It’s Saturday morning and it starts off like any typical Saturday for me at home. I love waking up early on the weekends and getting a few moments of alone time while my family sleeps. The few moments tends to be only maybe 15 or 20 minutes. Our youngest daughter, Bella, is an early riser. On Saturdays we spend time together just her and I. We watch cartoons, draw, and just hang out on the couch. What makes today different from our normal Saturday routine? Nothing really, except over the past few days my thoughts have really drifted to what lies ahead. Not sure what came over me today but I had a real desire to go to church. Side bar: We really never go to church. I mean we believe in God and we say prayers at dinner and bedtime but we’re not the best at actually getting into the Lord’s House. Not only did I want to go to church, but I wanted to go to my church. The church my parents were married in, the church I was baptized and received my first communion, the church where Jennifer and I proclaimed our love in front of all our family and friends. This house of worship has always been mine and my families place to be with our Lord and Savior. Our place of worship is Holy Ghost Lutheran Church located in Fredericksburg, TX. Keep in mind we currently live in Round Rock, TX a good 90 plus minute drive for us. Something was calling to me and I just wanted to go to church and see my family in Fredericksburg. I expressed my desire to go to Jennifer and she of course said let’s go. So, we packed up our children and gathered our stuff and headed to my parents.
The moment has arrived. We’ve just parked out front of the Church. Attending the service with me tonight are my parents, Douglas and Joreen, Jennifer, Maddie, and Bella. My whole family is with me and are by my side as we get set to worship. At this point, I’m still not sure what I’m wanting or needing by being in this place. We walk in the church and proceed down the aisle. This place has a familiar smell and looks just like it always has. It truly is a gorgeous building. Large exquisite stained glass windows line the outer walls, an aisle down the middle of the pews that appears to go on forever, at the front of the church is an enormous painted mural of Jesus walking on water and helping a disciple not to drown. It’s the same picture that has been in the building since before I can remember. We find a spot about half way down the aisle on the left hand side of the building. Time to get ready for the service.
Church service starts off normal, the Pastor welcomes the congregation and begins with a prayer. At this point I’m just happy to be there and I seem to be paying more attention than any other time I’ve been prior in my life. I know, it’s the anticipation of what lies ahead driving my thoughts. We’re about half way through the service and now it’s time for the sermon or teaching for the day. The Pastor begins talking about a time Jesus was speaking to a couple of his disciples. One was Peter and the other one was John. Jesus explains that Peter will face many adversities, trials, and pain as his life goes forward. John on the other hand will have a fairly straight forward and conventional life lacking the hardship and pain that Peter will endure. Peter asks why and doesn’t seem to understand why his life will be hard while John’s wouldn’t. Peter’s response is very normal considering what he was just told. Jesus reassures Peter that he would always be with him as he faces those trials and tribulations. That I believe was what the Pastor was trying to get across to us in the audience today. There are times when your life just goes along smoothly. Nothing seems to get in your way or cause any issues. In short, life is great much like John’s in the story. Other times, life is going to kick you when you’re least expecting. You’re going to be faced with hardships, pain suffering, or disease. These are the times you would relate to Peter. These are also the times when one needs to realize that Jesus is always there with you. He’s a light at the end of the tunnel. He will not forsake you and he will help you get through the worst of times. Well you can imagine I’m kind of freaked out at the moment. Here I am, only just recently diagnosed with testicular cancer listening to my Pastor teach me about how the lord will always be there during the times your life turns more towards Peter’s than John’s. Wow! I think why did I get that intense desire and need to go to church today of all days? This day to receive the reminder message that my Jesus will be here with me as I face the challenges of my battle with cancer. I truly believe the power of the Holy Ghost came to me this morning in my home and helped me to see this path. The path back to God and his son Jesus. This path that will help me to have the strength as the weeks ahead become real. I believe and have a greater faith that God and Jesus exits now more than ever. It truly is a comforting thought.
The Pastor completes his sermon and asks the congregation to rise and pray along with him. This is the part of the service where people who are hurting, going for surgery, facing a life threatening disease, or just need assistance tend to get mentioned. I know my name will get mentioned, my mom told me she put it in the prayer list. This is where I lose control. I break down and begin to cry. I’m not sure exactly why. Am i afraid of the chemo? Yes. Am I worried about the well-being of my family? Yes. Do I feel a sense of letting people down. Yes. Do I question my survival? Of course. At that moment listening to the Pastor asking God and Jesus to be with people like me. ME. I’m just an ordinary person. During this time I’m so thankful to be in the Church with my family. I believe I really felt the hand of God supporting me. It was a truly humbling experience. The message felt like it was directed solely towards me and my family, but I know there were others that this message may have helped as well. I don’t think I’ll ever have that type of connection during a service again. This was special, this was what I needed. I know when the hard days come I’ll need to look back on this day and remember Jesus will be there to help give me strength.